He dove forward, crunching his face brilliantly into the edge of the roof, his body whipping forward and slamming into the building’s side as his face slid off and he fell to the ground five stories below, breaking horribly on the concrete and ending up so contorted that his final, copious guff, which also brought forth solids, was directed perfectly into his own grimacing face.
“Ohhhh, YES!” he cried as he swung the big mallet underarm to crunch beautifully into the chin of his foe, knocking him out cold, whipping his neck back horribly and leaving him to tumble backward out of the crow’s nest, over the side of the listing ship and into the jagged beak of the leviathan.
“Defrost it before you put it in the oven!” she bellowed as she was hurled into the wood-chipper.
She insisted that if they just waited for the lift they would get to the bottom sooner, but he already had a foot on the escalator. She let him go and he looked back up to see her giggling as she ran and got into the glass-fronted capsule, pressed the button frantically to close the doors and held her bag and grinned at him as she descended smoothly to the middle floor, reaching it just before he did and only stopping for a moment to let another woman in before resuming her descent. Complacent as always, he casually strolled round and got onto the second escalator. She grinned wider and began to give mocking gestures, knowing that he would still be ten feet from the ground when she touched down, but her wanker sign stopped and her face turned to sickened horror as he realised too, flung himself off the moving metal staircase, plunged through the few inches of water by the fountain and crunched his head horribly into the coin-strewn tiles, blood and, it appeared, deeply golden urine surrounding him as he expired to the sound of a pre-recorded Tannoy announcement.
Chris had been asked whether he expected shrinkage to be higher among the call centre staff in Q3, and of course the answer was yes, but Neil from head office wanted to hear detail, whereas Chris just wanted to enjoy his glass of wine and look down over the yard as the windows reflected the gleaming afternoon sun. It was rare for this little secluded urban spot to look so pretty. But Neil was droning on insistently. The fact that they’d all been allowed to finish at 3 today seemed to be of no value to him. If anything it was an annoyance. He had to talk shop. He had no social skills and no life outside work. None.
Chris found himself leaning drowsily on the railing across the open French doors, unable and, unusually for him, unwilling to conceal his weariness at his senior manager’s crushingly boring attempts at conversation. Even this obvious fuck-off made no difference at all, and his sleepy disinterest in Neil’s desire to ‘really drive down costs across the operation’ only deepened, until suddenly Chris found himself past the point of no return, panicking and trying to grab one of the railings as he tumbled fully over, but to no avail, and now he plunged right into the vat of toxic waste, his skin beginning to crisp and sizzle immediately, some of it turning into a sort of fleshy steam while the rest began to slough off his body, leaving the muscles to rapidly dissolve under the chemical onslaught, his eyes lasting only a few seconds and his throat being annihilated too as he tried in vain to utter a final, gurgling scream as Neil frowned at his lack of professionalism.
She spammed him and, to her delight, his brow exploded in a shower of pus, blood and Botox, her hand sticking to the wet, ragged mess for a moment before she pulled it away and made space for the robotic fist to punch straight through his face and out of the back of his head in one devastating thrust.
BANG! He knee-capped himself, screaming for many long minutes in disbelief at how much pain he could possibly endure without losing consciousness, and only as he was close to death did he manage to mutter ‘YOLO’ into the camcorder that he had fortuitously dropped at just the right angle to capture his farewell grimace.
She had a seriously big pair of cajungas. He knew that much. But, no, he eventually agreed that that alone should not determine whether her life support should be kept on indefinitely.
He whipped his wanger out and in the same motion started wanking. Soon he was ready to splurge one off, but just before he did so she slid an oiled digit into his ringpiece, doubling the amount of cum for her to sup on as he fell into a spunked-out doze, whereupon he tumbled off the crane, fell for several seconds and splattered anonymously in a brownfield site where there used to be a dreadful ice rink.
“Don’t forget to tell the milkman we’ll be away!” she roared as she succumbed to the combine harvester.