She could see that the case contained a bomb, but her shift had just finished and she knew she wouldn’t get paid for doing overtime, so she waved it through, stood up to make way for Martina, and marched off to get on the tube before the crowds. The plane exploded before take-off, as it turned out, but she didn’t hear about it until much later, and the news was accompanied by a text from her boss saying they’d be closed tomorrow, so she’d be having a lie-in. Whallop!
She blasted from the cannon and straight into the comically enormous turd, sinking deep inside and hearing people begin to scream as the brown mass closed again behind her, trapping her inside and turning a vulgar birthday amusement into a terrifying scramble for survival.
She began to recite her favourite line from Hamlet, but just as her eyes closed for a moment, he seized his chance to belch gutturally and blow every bit of it into her face as she winced and turned aside in dismay.
She closed her lips around his meat. Oooooh, it was firm and full of blood! She let her tongue slide languidly over it for a moment, then began to sink her teeth in, and in the moment when she pierced the skin she felt his juices squirt out. Ah, she thought. There’s no taste like that! Then she chomped in suddenly, her gnashers meeting, and then turned her head away with a jerk, tearing off a delicious gobful of his living calf as he screamed in disbelief and horror.
If she really screwed her eyes closed, she was able to stop up to 4% of the spooge seeping in and coating her cornea.