She sighed. Yes, he could go for a dump before they got on the road, but he had to go now. Yes, right now! No, not in the living room! NOT in the livi- THUNK! Fine, in the living room then. At least it had come out in one solid log that could easily be p- SPLURRFFFPPP. OK, no, he’d smudged it into the carpet.
He waved his big, hard sword about, trying to impress her, but she had seen it all before and evaded his efforts with ease, swooping down with perfect timing, sinking her talons mercilessly into the flesh around his clavicle, lifting him effortlessly from the ground and soaring up to share him with the screeching chicks in her eyrie.
It would have been easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for this slag to finish a night out without spilling kebab meat and sauce all over herself and curling off a log down an alleyway.