He did a backflip, but alas, he’d chosen the worst place to do so, and the thousands of yards he fell gave him time to contemplate his folly before splattering beautifully on the excrement-smeared cobblestones.
After the break
She had already queefed a full fannyload of eggy blood onto his glum, sagging face, and there was a lot more to come.
Get the motor running
Right. She had popped the car into Kwik Fit and now she needed to find a different, more biological kind of mechanic, one prepared to delve into her private engine with a big spanner and get it purring again.
Social cohesion
At first glance, everyone was glued to the big television screen, listening for new details about how many people were feared dead in the blast. But if one peered into the darker recesses of the office, it was clear that Janet was glued to something else: a filing cabinet stuffed with heavily-used tampons.
Gobby
The way the heat from the nuclear explosion flash-fried his flesh before the blastwave tore it all off and blew it away was excruciating and horrifying but also, in a way, quite funny, especially as he’d boasted that he would ‘bang out’ any nuke that came anywhere near him.
My body, my choice
Lick and suck the gleaming, veiny wanger, get her nails done or defuse the bomb? Argh! It was an impossible choice!
Peter and the window
Just as he began to push the ring onto her finger, a huge crash and the scattering of glass sounded as Pete from next door hurled himself through the oldest and finest of the stained glass windows, failing to halt proceedings by more than ten minutes and subjecting himself to a night in hospital, during which time the bride and groom had a marathon session of hard sex with her being treated to a copious serving of thick cum.
Oh, Brenda
Just as she reached terminal velocity, her coccyx connected with the roof of the brutalist abomination, all the vertebrae shattering inside her. Suspended by her enormous weight on the building’s edge for a moment, she then slumped slowly over and tumbled flabbily down to splatter on the unyielding flagstones below.
Enhanced camouflage
Her huge bangers stunned him into silence, a silence broken only by the sound of his orgasmic suspiration and the titters of those around him as a silvery wet patch appeared on the front of his purple camouflage cargo pants.
No, it was just a turd
Hold on! Was that an Oscar? Had he just won an Academy Award? It couldn’t be! This was unbe- Oh, no. No, it was just a turd. Still, he had won it.