Meeting prep

There was still time to scat one off all over the toilet, floor and walls before the big meeting, and that she did – and as she sniggered at the mess she’d left for the cleaner, she wondered how many others all over the world were doing the s- FLARRRPP!!!! Oh, goodness. It sounded like someone was doing the same in the very next cubicle. She flung open her door, spun and booted in their door to see. Nope, they were just having a normal poo. A bit loudly, though. She’d done hers more or less silently, and she told them so.

The way of some flesh

Their bodies undulated together, and suddenly she seized him passionately and held him close, his hard wand delving even deeper inside her than it had already. She had never shared such an intimate moment with anyone, and she savoured it, her eyes closed. Slowly she opened them again, smiled and kissed him, then began to loosen her hold just a little, her fingers dragging softly down from his neck to his back. As they did, she let her nails scrape tantalisingly across his tingling skin, until she felt them sink in and, entirely unintentionally, tore a furrow into his leprous flesh.

Assisted walking

No brassiere in the world could have fully accommodated the weight and volume of her colossal bosom. Even if it had, the bra would have needed a support structure of its own in order to avoid collapsing. And some sort of wheeled spittoon or guttering would have been required to collect and re-route the almost torrential, spunky run-off that was the inevitable dividend of her voluptuous mien.

The mother of pretension

As he resigned himself to his fate and stood there urinating and defecating into his trousers, the crowd of people around him who had so forcefully protested just moments before that they ‘couldn’t move further down the carriage’ suddenly discovered that they could, in fact, move a lot further down the carriage, and they did, at least until someone at the other end also loudly fouled herself, after which those caught in the crossturd just had to try not to breathe much and pretended harder than ever to be really interested in reading the Metro.