He stepped into the dark house and closed the front door behind him. He turned on the little lamp by the door. Everything was eerily quiet. He grinned, wondering if they were all going to jump out at him and shout “Surprise!” and st- BONK! He trod on the landmine and was immediately blown with sickening force into the ceiling, whence he bounced hard into the floor, there to lie until death came.
He was grunting, he was grunting, he was grunting, he was grunting, he w- oh! No. No more grunts. Now he was definitely turding himself.