Mission barely possible

He sprinted into the main hall, the policeman’s hands almost on him, but he skirted round the crowd, dove through a gap and somersaulted beautifully into the five-tier wedding cake, utterly covering himself and the nearest dozen or so people in marzipan and bits of cherry and apricot and fulfilling his mission with style before being taken to gaol and, probably, made to disappear.

Up above the trees and houses

He whipped his wanger out and in the same motion started wanking. Soon he was ready to splurge one off, but just before he did so she slid an oiled digit into his ringpiece, doubling the amount of cum for her to sup on as he fell into a spunked-out doze, whereupon he tumbled off the crane, fell for several seconds and splattered anonymously in a brownfield site where there used to be a dreadful ice rink.