Heavenly peace

“Silent night, holy night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon virgin mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly p-” BRAAAAAK! A fart rang out, not only sounding like the cry of some crazed dinosaur but completely cutting off the song, the singers turning to Dietmar in anger, but then letting it go as the family at the door fell about laughing and, indeed, gave a bigger tip than they had originally intended, although all the coins later turned out to be counterfeit, and the charges for trying to use them were dropped only in the new year.

The air that I breathe

She drifted listlessly through the days, having a daytime nap here, a cheeky glass of Pimms (less fun without the girls) there, a slice of cake on occasion, but always niggled by the miserable dearth of hard penises to slide onto. As she prepared to move house, though, she did at least find an old laserdisc of gay pornography, and though she struggled to imagine herself in any of the roles presented on screen, she was brought to a sudden, screaming orgasm simply by the sight of a solid and slightly upcurved rod and the way it spilled spunken goodness from its winking terminus.