Rotten luck

She had waited so long for this moment. Finally, her first kiss! Her eyes closed as his face approached hers. But suddenly she realised that time travel wasn’t all fun. This was the seventh century and there was no toothpaste nor any real understanding of dental care. Not only did he have visibly bleeding gums, but he also had a gap at the front where a tooth had fallen out in the last day or two, and it appeared to have done so because the gum was simply rotting away. Furthermore, the gap was apparently a suitable nesting-place for some awful-looking meat residue mixed with the pasty remainder of nuts, oats and what looked like bird food. All in all, she was sorry to be downwind of him, or indeed anywhere near him, and a kiss was now out of the question. Well, it was according to her. But now he grabbed her, pulling her to him and trying to take what he wanted by force. His only mistake was to exhale as he approached, intensifying her disgust beyond what she could bear and prompting her to vomit copiously into his ruggedly handsome face, knee him viciously in his no doubt poorly-washed crackers and sprint back to the phonebox.