Pride comes just before a fall

“Watch this!” he screamed, suddenly hurling himself off the cliff and opening a parachute with ‘#BANTS’ inscribed on it in lurid fluorescent pink, which the lads thought was a bit gay, but their concern turned to admiration as he unclipped himself and roared ‘Oi oi!’ as he tumbled toward the jagged rocks so far below.

No such word as can’t

“You can’t polish a turd,” he had always been told, and yet, as he sat back and admired his handiwork, he felt vindicated in his refusal to believe the old adage. Granted, he’d had to embalm and varnish it first, but he’d done so delicately and with very little change to its glorious surface, and now it sat gleaming on his mantelpiece, having displaced the least prestigious of his trophies – the one for taking part in a penalty shootout at the local school fete.