No spillage

He grunted aggressively and without warning, a stiff gust of stinking gas blasting forth into the ill-prepared faces ahind his colono-rectal pipework and causing not one but two of them to wrinkle in disgust before vomiting, albeit only into their closed mouths, leaving them able to tidily dispose of the chunder out of the window in one case and, after an undignified struggle, back down their scalded gullet in the other.

Like the deserts

“Oh darling,” she said. “I can hardly imagine all the beastly things you’ve seen and what you’ve suffered. You know I missed you terribly. And every night in bed, I thought of where you might be, what you w-” “GAAA! Aaahhhhhhhh.” A pocket of air trapped in his belly had noisily escaped its hiding place, hurtled through his oesophagus and wafted forth into her face, aided by his very deliberate and smug blowing, the smell making her blanche and instructing her that though she had forgotten about these vulgar habits in his absence, he was back now to remind her with aplomb and to show her a few new ones too.