What lies beneath

As he realised with dread that gravity was taking over, he tried to grasp at some kind of handhold, but couldn’t get any purchase and tumbled with a panicked yelp off the huge heap of binbags, expecting to hit the hard floor but instead landing in the total darkness on more bin bags, from which he fell onto more below, and still more, unable to see where they ended or prepare for the moment when he would meet something solid, which not even the bags contained, every one being stuffed full with a squelchy melange of beans, putrid chicken offcuts and amazingly heavily-laden nappies and tampons.

Double take

He stood and chatted with her as she casually chopped out a line and rolled up a twenty. As she bent down to get it up her beak, he lifted a leg and guffed right at her, knowing that she wouldn’t refrain from sniffing – several times, indeed – and thus, albeit inadvertently, would dutifully hoof up all the feculent gas of which his disastrous colon was so keen to be rid.