She was bent over the bonnet of a car and she was getting bummed hard. That was all well and good – indeed, she had specifically requested it – but, of all the vehicles they could have chosen… well, let’s just say that if it had been a good, sturdy, four-wheeled Talbot Horizon instead of a Reliant Robin, he wouldn’t have ended up with crud all over his Johnson and she wouldn’t have ended up with her horribly scarred face splodging into a urine-soaked nettle patch.
The long, sturdy wangers exploded all over her, a terrific shower of gooey plasm covering her from brow to chin, making this a happier birthday than any of the previous hundred and four.
He came hard into the Christmas pudding! The sight of those boobs wreathed in tinsel was just too much – well, that and the sensation of his sturdy wand plunging in and out of the warm figs, apricots and orange rind.
He desperately tried to mime “Away in a Manger” but it was literally impossible, and as he realised that they were getting no closer, he took two steps back, then sprinted at the tree and did a flying karate kick at the angel on top, knocking it off and crunching into the sturdy wall behind, groaning and collapsing to the floor amid the fallen baubles and candy canes as his cousin guessed the right answer purely by chance.