Mined your own business

“I honestly had no idea he was shagging Soph. Honestly, no idea at all. Oh my God! Oh my God. That is the biggest scandal,” said Kayleigh, giggling and sipping her cider. “Can’t get over that. Wow. I wonder if Steph knew.”

“No, she didn’t!” exclaimed Claire. “That’s the thing, she literally had no idea. Well, that’s what Nicole told me. I ain’t actually spoken to Steph. Don’t know if I can now either,” she said, laughing but still in shock. Mandy laughed too. This was all going to take time to process. Meanwhile, Trev was still not back from the shops and they were on their last cider. Were they actually going out or what? If not, she was going to get some more delivered. Then she heard the car door slam – he always slammed it – and then the front door too. Quicker than was necessary, Trev bounded up the stairs, broke the door off instead of opening it, stood there grinning for a moment, panting, then stepped backward onto the landing. “What you doing?” said Claire, amused but bemused. He sounded like he was counting to himself as his panting subsided. Then he suddenly ran forward and hurled himself at the far wall, all the landmines strapped to it triggering at the same time, blowing his entire body into tiny pieces, showering the whole room, the two girls, much of the landing, the painting over the staircase and the cat with his gore, small shards of bone and, yea, the remnants of the eight cans of K and the canvas shopping bag he’d paid an extra quid for to save the environment and hopefully leave behind a better world for the people of tomorrow.